I usually like to give my blog posts song names but today I’m doing this a little differently. I didn’t think this was necessary but I’d like to go into more detail concerning the Radar Online interview (who’s support I value) that I did & specifically the bit I spoke on about the concept of sex in Scientology. Now usually, I’d say something like, we’re all adults here so let’s start the discussion. But I can’t this time without first making it very plain that if discussing the sex culture in Scientology or the subject of sex in general is distressing or distasteful to you, please stop reading this right now. I didn’t want what I said to Radar to be perceived as trashy because it wasn’t. What I said is still true to me & actually happened. If someone wants to reject me & label me as a bad person based on what I said in that interview because speaking about sex is so offensive to them, then I’d like to counter that with the knowledge that I’m not the one with the problem here. They should look deeper at themselves & their own motivations.
Intimacy is defined as follows: a) close familiarity or friendship; closeness. b) something private or privacy. c) an intimate act, especially a sexual act. Something else that a person who’s never been in Scientology may not understand is that everything, the entire society of the belief system, every teaching, every slogan revolves around the core concept of what is called ‘overts & withholds.’ Overts being the thing that happened that’s usually of a wrongful nature & withhold being the act of not telling on anyone or withholding to yourself what it was that you did or what happened. Scientologists call this ‘o.w’s. Without going into a huge explanation on that, the teaching about o.w’s involuntarily gets drilled into every scientologist. Having o.w’s, akin to secrets, or keeping anything that you did, thought, heard, wanted or even imagined which is kept to oneself or kept along with anyone else is considered very bad & leads to the worst of the worst in this world thats capable of happening. And that’s the rationale behind why we have to engage in these confessionals, because it’s the only thing (Scientology believes) that will make our lives any better. It’s the basis of what Scientology is & there’s a reason why the phrase “confess your crimes” gets thrown around sometimes either as a joke to demonstrate how extreme it is or just to explain the degraded feeling of NEVER having the pleasure of allowing something to be known all to yourself. Even if it isn’t something necessarily wrong.
The concept is changeable because some secrets, yes are bad. Some things SHOULD be told. There’s nothing wrong with that. No one should ever have to endure abuse & it’s quintessential that someone be told if that’s the case. But this isn’t what this post is about. It’s about the fact that subtle forms of mental abuse was taking place & although I could feel it was wrong, I didn’t know it was happening. Nor did I realize how destructive it actually was. During this time I was only aware of the negative perceptions about having o.w’s & that it meant it was the supposed cause of any unhappiness in my life. For example, I can tell you that there were times when I’ve told someone the truth about something & it absolutely helped the relationship because I admitted something I did or something that happened. There are times when it’s the best remedy. But in Scientology, this concept takes on such epic oppressive proportions. What having to say in session about our intimate lives, every sex act, every place we touched, every place we touched someone else or ourselves, every single time in our entire lives is harrowing. I hated doing it & used to ask to stop. I’ve told my auditor before that some things weren’t bad & not an overt, that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I told her it was none of her business. I despised it that these private moments in my life were written down in a folder & just about anyone could read it, anytime they wanted. I was completely against this but I always got talked out of my fears that anything scary was capable of happening to these memories. I can’t stress to you how right my intuition of the situation was & how those recorded intimate moments of mine were most definitely used to hurt & humiliate me.
During my session when I protested what was happening, I was told unless I said EVERYTHING, I would be physically made to stay in session & wouldn’t be allowed to leave until I was done answering these questions. This specific time was while I was doing grade two & had begun what they call ‘the joburg confessional.’ It was totally sex related questions & the entirety of grade two went on for almost a year straight. Every scientologist has to complete this part of the bridge, even children are asked these questions. Questions like, have you ever had anal sex etc? Have you ever had an abortion? You don’t get a choice whether you want to answer & even if you say no to these questions & they still read on the e-meter, you have to talk about something that never even happened. We, as scientologists didn’t have the right to say NO. We didn’t have the right to get up & walk out the door. If you think that knowing you’d eventually end up having to tell your auditor about every minuscule sexual experience you had DID’NT have an effect on your human urges or behavior then I’ve got news for you, it did.
As Scientologists, to have our rights to intimacy stricken from our existence is brutal. It makes you feel like a robot, like your inhuman. It’s difficult to recover, but not impossible. I’m sure some people know what I’m talking about. There are some secrets that exist in an intimate setting between people that is no one else’s business. It’s theirs. It belongs to them. Somethings between a husband & wife or two friends is perfectly normal to just know between themselves. It’s the essence of trust. Taking that away means taking everything away. It means the complete dehumanization of a person & the ability to now objectify them.
It also effected our friendships & every relationship we entered into. It made us police each other & tell on each other. But the real reason I believe it became mandatory for us to be forced to go through these excruciating sessions, is because it steals the intimacy from our loved ones, crushing any love Scientology isn’t involved in. By doing this it enables the church to covertly coerce us into the only intimate relationship we’re allowed to have: a relationship with the church. The church becomes our Mother, our Father, our wife, our husband, our everything. We became loyal to no one above the the church of Scientology. The intimacy Scientologists have is with Scientology. And if you dont think this doesn’t have a huge impact on who you are, I urge you to please examine this, unafraid.