Losing My Religion

I’m so happy to finally start this blog. It’s still in the beginning stage & im figuring out how to design it, so please excuse the mess. I also once had another blog called ‘Book Of Girl’ many years ago but I was still hiding in the cult closet so to speak & was really afraid to let it all out or reveal what I knew. Sometimes people ask me why I waited so long to speak out & it’s a good question. Based on that, I believe that would be a perfect place to start. So, I’ve chosen to write about the first time in my life where without a doubt, I became frighteningly aware that I was being fair gamed by Scientology & why I believe they chose that moment to make me aware of it.

Right at the end of my marriage to Jason Lee,  I had begun to make a good living as a fine art photographer. I’d had two art shows in L. A with an incredibly lucky turn out. The first was hosted by Giovanni Ribisi who was like a cousin to me & Nylon magazine. The second was at The Fine Arts Center Of Santa Monica. Already, my livelihood consisted of a public perception that I knew could be tampered with by Scientology. Since I was also an actor, it was totally real to me that they could cause interference in my career. All I wanted was to get on with my life after I left Scientology & gotten the divorce but most cult ex’s will tell you, you don’t get to make that choice. It gets made for you. I eventually thought if I just suffered silently about what was happening to me then I could carry on careerwise as I was. I’d begun trying to find new talent representation, which I eventually did & was looking to hopefully find solace through working. It felt like starting over but at least I was free. There was no reason to give up my dream & I’d worked very very hard as an actor & as a photographer. But that wasn’t my fate. Scientology did interfere. Around the time I was writing Book of Girl, I lived in Silverlake California & had just received a call from the National Enquirer asking me to do a story with them. Since I didn’t want to compromise my acting prospects I kindly declined. Eventually we went back & forth & they offered me $10,000 to go on record about Scientology & my divorce with Jason. Apparently the reporter had read my divorce papers & had actually figured out a lot of what transpired between us & the gritty problems that eventually caused our split. He had an incredible grasp on the truth even without my help but I still declined despite wanting to do the interview. I made the decision out of fear because I knew what Scientology was capable of doing to me. They had micromanaged my divorce & I was unceremoniously disconnected from by every friend I’d known. It was due to that experience that I saw through scientology’s fake spiritual veil into the heart of just how merciless they really were.

Even though I didn’t cooperate with the story, the National Enquirer still ran it without me. They printed that they’d contacted me but my response was “no comment.” But the reason this incident is important to me is because even though in my mind I thought that by choosing what Jason & my ex-scientologist friends would consider respectful by me not airing our dirty laundry, absolutely didn’t matter in the slightest to them. They came after me anyways, full throttle. So you see, choosing their needs above my own made no difference at all to them. I turned down 10 G’s even though that money would have been helpfull. Regardless, the church’s stalkers still showed up outside our front door & followed us everywhere we went. They bothered our neighbors & gas lighted us. They electronically stalked us & continue to today. They interfered with another acting agent who eventually also dropped me, just like my first agent Gay Ribisi did. They broke into mine & my families lives with not even the faintest of afterthoughts on what they were doing. It was all just business as usual.

12 thoughts on “Losing My Religion

  1. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all this. But you’re evidently quite talented — you write beautifully — so I say: Rock on, girlfriend!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I look forward to reading more here. I hope this is cathartic for you. Every time someone speaks out at the abuse(s) scientology has caused them, it not only helps you; but it helps others who have had the same happen to them and are still too frightened to speak out. Every voice helps to weaken them. Thank you Carmen, I know this isn’t a position you wanted to be in, but thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Some information on Scientology’s “fake spiritual veil” can be found in the Brennan legal declaration or YouTube video on Scientology, and its religious cloaking.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can relate. I tried being quiet and respectful for five years, since my shop is right in the neighborhood of the Complex. I thought we could co-exist. Silly me. They fair-gamed me anyway. So I finally started posting on the internet, and life is much better for me now. I wish the same for you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Carmen, your piece in Gawker this summer was powerful and illuminating. I’m glad you’ve got yourself a regular forum now to speak. I’m looking forward to what you have to say. All the best to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Carmen, I enjoy following you on Twitter as well. Following the “goings-on” in Hollywood is one of my guilty pleasures. I can assure you that any story published lately about the cult has an incredible number of posters writing things like “bat-shit crazy”, “scary”, “cult”, “nutcases” etc. Mainstream USA is becoming more & more familiar with the abuses & the disconnection etc. Their golden poster boy TC has fallen so far from grace. Heck, does he even LIVE in the US anymore?
    And how about the alleged fact that he hasn’t seen his youngest daughter for YEARS? And he’s OK with his “church” dictating that he can’t see her? WOW. Holy shit. I’m glad you escaped!


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